Due to my personality flaw that saw me born with a complete sense of humour, I will risk having the Zodiac site rule book thrown at me to post what I hope will be an entertaining concept just to have one thread here specifically for a bit of fun. (As I always say, I think it’s good to have a giggle now and then even where Z is concerned or you’ll just end up being as dark and oppressed as our nameless friend seemed to be).
Anyway, because I tend to think outside of the box….what box I don’t know, I thought earlier that this case, suspects and supporters of suspects would make for a great horse race analogy with commentary by, ermmm, the commentator.
"Welcome to the 3:30 at Fern Springs for this 2 mile race with many top racers and jockies just about to go into the starters stalls. Just coming into shot is Bruce Davis ridden by jockey Howard Davis, long time partnership this with a steady performance in previous outings but this horse tends to be a little one paced…. Ahh just entering the starters stall next to Bruce is the new exciting filly on the racing scene tipped by some to win here today, the impressive Kjell Qvale. Very good horse this today being rode by jockey Mike R and already he’s looking eager to get going. And thirdly coming into frame is the highly fancied and well backed thoroughbred former champion Arthur Leigh Allen being rode as usual by his long term jockey Robert Graysmith but bookmakers have suggested Arthur tends to start well but will slow as the race progresses and fade completely toward the final furlong or so and….and….and there he is….there is the favourite for this race Lawrence Kane! Lawrence being directed into the starting pad by his faithful rider Alex ‘Welsh Chappie’ Lewis. Beautiful runner this one, has been challenged rigorously by the other runners in the field many times but has yet to be dethroned or left found wanting. Exceptional distance runner this one, Kane has a way of holding off all late challengers down the back straight. And on the far side just entering the stalls is the complete 500-1 outsider in this field Richard Gaikowski. Disappointing Horse this one, promises a lot of potential before they start the race itself but fails to deliver on anything and, oh wait, yes that’s rite it seems that the handlers have had to blinker this entrant, not the horse, but the rider Thomas V. Very excitable horse and jockey these two but again, seem to get left in the stalls by the other far more quality bred horses and today the long course will simply prove too much to handle. And finally the average dark horse of this 2 mile handicapped race is a reliable and rather fairly good runner Richard Marshall. Marshall will start the race today as he always does without a jokey to partner him and will finish mid table one would suspect.
And there under starters orders….and…..and…. THEY ARE AWAY!!
Arthur Allen gets a flyer out of the starting stalls and is already thundering into an early lead as he approaches the first fence and negotiates it safely followed by an already distant second place Kane with his jockey battling to keep 2nd spot from the new hot prospect that has burst onto the scene in the form of Qvale, Qvale now just being held off by the Welsh one and Kane with Marshall plodding along making no real headway and Richard Gaikowski being ridden by a determined looking Thomas V who is still stuck in the starters stall. Gaikowski finally out of the stalls and is off and running as he charges headfirst down the completely incorrect track and in the wrong direction and appears to not listen or see any of the red flags being waved at him as he races toward nowhere completely blinkered. Meanwhile…. rest of the field approach the final fence and Arthur Allen is not going to be caught now by Kane or Qvale he’s got a huge lead and he is coming up to the final fence of the race and …..OHHHH NO, disaster for Arthur Allen and Robert as the fall badly at the final fence of the race which now see’s Kane and Welsh rider as the leader from Qvale right on his heels from 3rd placed Bruce and a tired looking Howard and Marshall has been pulled up and is out of the running altogether. Good news for the punters who have backed Gaikowski as he is finally turned back in the correct direction but the excitement is quickly extinguished as Thomas and Gaikowski fall at the first fence and it’s a bad and damaging looking fall and it appears that they may have to put the seasoned campaigner down as he’s badly damaged by this fall but enough about Thomas because we’re into the final furlong and thundering down the home straight and rapidly approaching the finishing line and it’s neck and neck and…and as they come to the line it’s a photo finish between Kane and Qvale inseparable with…hold on, what is this…. well ladies and gentlemen we seem to have acquired a gate crasher to our race coming home to finish a close third who wasn’t listed as an official runner in this race but is unofficially recognised as 3rd place finisher James Owen being rode to the finish by experienced jockey Steve Morf.
And that concludes todays racing at Aintree.
ps – I hope at least some find this of entertaining reading because I can already feel one or two members dialing 9 Mod Mod to ask for the Mod-Police to attent this crime of humour, dispatcher taking complaint will ask the address your calling from and tey’ll be told " It’s Board Index, Hangout, and Their under starters orders. Please hurry, I am being violated!"
I can hear the sirens of Police Mod Seagull, Tahoe and AKWilks speeding to the scene here so I’ll just take a leaf out of Zodiac’s book and vanish before they get chance to contain me within this metaphorical Presidio. The Chief of Police Morf may send out a warrant for my arrest now if i am not instantly captured. The Mods shall never detain me as I have been too clever for them.
PS, If it’s decided to delete this highly amusing post then i will do something nasty…..which you know i am capable of!
Me – Sense of Humour. Minority of members – 0
"So it’s sorta social. Demented and sad, but social, right?" Judd Nelson.
Hahaha, you’ve got a great sense of humor!
P.S. I felt sorry for the guy that got stuck in the booth… 
Hahaha, you’ve got a great sense of humor!
P.S. I felt sorry for the guy that got stuck in the booth…
Well as long as I can make someone laugh then the day has been a productive one 
"So it’s sorta social. Demented and sad, but social, right?" Judd Nelson.
It’s ‘They’re’ not ‘Their’. 
“I don’t know Chief, he’s very smart or very dumb.“
Excuse me, MODs!!! I want blue meanie of this site to respond instantly as my feelings are hurt! And to think we are both Celts and yet he comes Travelling onto my post Questioning A Welsh Man’s use of the English Language. May I never partake of Holy Communion on A Sunday again if one untruth passes my lips, or finger tips as the case may be, but I have never been so insulted and hurt and emotionally damaged in my life so I am calling 911 for a mod cop to respond and one that isn’t going to make ne feel so useless. Deplorable at best my English.
Trav I am leaving now to throw myself off a multi story car park. No don’t you dare try and stop me and tell me how sorry you are, I am not one who must seek such attention from people. Going to kill myself now, just ending my suicide note before I do…..
"When I am discovered dead I do not want Trav to feel in anyway responsible for my death…..even thought it really is all his fault.
Hang on, just remembered I don’t like heights. Sh*t!!
Muhahaha
"So it’s sorta social. Demented and sad, but social, right?" Judd Nelson.
Enjoyed reading it.
Nice writing and clever story line. A+ 
The Best Mystery Is An Unsolved Mystery….
